I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Of course I have a pirate flag
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
