New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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