we made out on top of his cat.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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