He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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