i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
