Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
