just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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