you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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