i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
