Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You ruined the universe
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
