cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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