I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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