I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
