It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
