i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
