fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
