Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I intend to get homeless drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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