I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
