Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
