I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
