You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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