Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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