hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
