I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
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