we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
