my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
