She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize