Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
