my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
