I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
