Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
