Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I got chris browned last night
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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