omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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