im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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