By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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