New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just threw up on my dentist
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
