I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
