she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
