you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
