The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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