also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's blow job season.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
