I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
