so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize