how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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