before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
