I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
