And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
