I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This baby is an asshole
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
