I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
