Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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