shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
