so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
