Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
