I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This is the high leading the old right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
