Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i came on her dog
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
