No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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