I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
