I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So many bounce houses so little time
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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