Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
