You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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