i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
