it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize