My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
