Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
