Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
