im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
