yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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