dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you win again, gameday.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
