Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
