that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
