I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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