Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
